I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
