Got a toothbrush?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
