what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
