if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
