it glows. i had to have it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
