Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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