Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dicks are not precious.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
