do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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