How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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