I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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