dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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