I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
