How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
