i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
