Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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