I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
