got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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