So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
