Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
