You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
