She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
