Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize