I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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