I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
