I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
