you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
