sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
