yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
