Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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