The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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