Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
