On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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