dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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