I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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