i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
