I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
