I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
