I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
