i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
