You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
