i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
