Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
