your parents love me but you hate me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
