I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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