thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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