It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
