i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
