I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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