Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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