I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
