Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
