I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
