I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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