that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
