sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
