I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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