Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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