It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No subtext here. People are naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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