Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
