the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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