i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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