Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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