OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
