I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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