so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
