At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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