i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
