i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
