Buhtt sex?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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