(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
